Refried Screens

Ratings are down this season for American Idol and last night we finally figured out why:

None of the faves to win have any credibility.

Syesha pathetically fails at sexing up cabaret.

David Cook can’t pull off emo.

And David Archuleta makes everything sound like elevator music.

When Tina Turner sang Proud Mary, you could believe that she actually saw the big wheel that kept on turning. Aretha and Carol King made millions feel like Natural Women. And Otis Redding made you feel like you were Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay wasting time.

In other words, real singers can EMOTE.

Each American Idol contestant theoretically has enough drama in their lives to draw upon for emotion, but they just don’t know how to do it.

David Archuleta may not know love, but he knows the cold sting of his stage dad’s backhand. But when Archuleta sings about fear, it’s not believable.

Syesha Mercado suffered through a drug addled father, but Syesha acts like she doesn’t know what Fever is, although she’s seen fiending first hand.

When David Cook sings about not wanting to Miss A Thing, we don’t know if he’s missed anything until we look at his comb over and realize David Cook misses hair lost through male pattern baldness.

They lack soul, passion, and realness.

Realness isn’t really a word, but when some people say it, you BELIEVE IT, dangumbit!

Unless the American Idol finalists can convince us that they know the emotions contained in the words and melodies of the songs they’re singing. Unless they can do more than just remembering words, screeching, and displaying vocal control and range, nobody willl buy their credibility as artists now and nobody will buy their records either.

Simon you do have a problem.