Refried Screens

You’d think American Idol Producers would have learned their lesson.

Taylor Hicks won two seasons ago and his album tanked.

He got the votes, but nobody wanted to buy his records.

When Sanjaya-mania was running wild a season later, American Idol producers allegedly rigged the vote to promote Jordin Sparks.

They gave her the votes, but nobody wanted to buy her records either.

If you’re running American Idol, what in the world do you do?

Resign yourself to the fact that nobody buys records anymore, so just let America pick who they want?

Hell no!

You insert a ringer.

This season, it’s Carly Smithson who already had a record deal and a makeover when she was using her maiden name Hennessy.   

MCA, one of Universal Music’s major labels, initially hooked up with the spunky teenager three years ago because it was trying to get a piece of the great success competitors enjoyed with young pop artists like Britney Spears and ‘N Sync…MCA spent $250,000 on a video that showed Ms. Hennessy dancing in a disco and jumping around with pals in their sleepwear.

To make matters worse, MCA spent more than $2.2 million producing and marketing the album, but the CD sold less than 400 copies in its first three months of release. 

But wait, there’s more.

Randy Jackson worked for MCA when Carly Hennessy Smithson was also at the label.

Pretty sneaky.  Take someone else’s $2.2 million investment, insert sob story with tattoos, and three months on television with a “personal journey” and you’ll get more album sales than Taylor Hicks, right?

So much for the show being about taking undiscovered talent and giving them an opportunity they’ve never had before.

According to Votefortheworst.com, Carly Hennessy Smithson isn’t the only one.

I have no problem with a show of losers like Carly who weren’t able to make it even with a corporate machine dropping dollars to force them down our throats.  But that should be a different show, not American Idol. 

Carly isn’t even American, fer Pete’s sake.  Why doesn’t her ass audition for X-Factor? 

Maybe that’s the point.  Have a poor Irish girl who was already abused by an American corporation get humiliated yet again by the dreaded Rupert Murdoch and his American network.  That’s a surefire way to get cheap record promotion publicity by good old fashioned nationalism, anti-American sentiment, and universal disdain for Rupert Murdoch.   

What worries me is the trend this is establishing.  If we can’t trust reality television to tell the truth, what in the world can we trust?

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Simon Cowell admitted faking footage of his bust-up with Louis Walsh in the first episode of reality show the X-Factor, but denied programme-makers had misled viewers. (Daily Mail)

Simon Cowell faking it?

Maybe there’s something to those Jordin Sparks and Melinda Doolittle conspiracy theories after all!

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American Idol is conducting auditions for its seventh season as the Broadway musical based on the show was canceled after one night. 

Last season had so much controversy including one suggesting that Idol Producers rigged the voting so Jordin Sparks could win before the season started, I have 7 Burning Questions about the upcoming season of American Idol:

Will the Producers FINALLY reveal vote totals?

Will the producers allow the fans to determine who stays, or will the fix be in for the THIRD time in seven seasons?

Will we have a Goofy boy vs Sweet girl final showdown for the FOURTH year in a row?

Will we see a Sanjaya?

Will Paula Abdul be a drunken mess?

Who will say Idol is better than Baby Einstein first: Ryan Secrest, Simon Cowell, or Paula Abdul?

And what about this contestant?

Check out that hat!

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Poor Clay Aiken.

He constantly gets the short end of the stick and a whole lot of BUT.

He led the fan voting every week on American Idol from the Wild Card week to the finale, BUT the possibly-random voting result gave Ruben Studdard the win.
He just wanted NSA sex, BUT his one night stand turned out to be a nightmare.
He was a guest host for Regis, BUT Kelly Ripa humiliated him.
Rosie O’Donnell defended him on national television, BUT outed him on The View.
Perez Hilton gives him regular press, BUT picks on him regularly.
And now, he finally gets to back on tour, BUT a woman shoves him during a routine Continental Airlines trip.

What happened to the good old days, when a man could be fey and closeted and not get hassled over it? Is this really progress? Could Rock Hudson have survived in this climate?

I think not.

With all of Clay Aiken’s bad fortune, one would think that he simply has bad luck. I’m not one to believe in ‘mumbo jumbo’ like roots or curses. I believe in conspiracies. Someone has it out for Clay Aiken. Someone who despises femininity in men. Someone who just can’t stomach a white boy with soul.

While you ponder who it could be, take a look at where poor Clay’s come from and FEEL THE GUILT!

All Clay Aiken wants to do is entertain you. Is there any harm in that?

So, who is behind the conspiracy to destroy Clay Aiken? I have a guess…

Maybe Isaiah Washington has been learning from Dr. Doom, as I suggested a while back, right here.

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The Internets is all abuzz because Dan Gross reported that American Idol Winner Fantasia recently got her hoo-hah harpooned.

In high school, a guy I knew in chorus would pinch his own nipple in order to reach certain high notes. Maybe Fantasia, after hearing stories of divas like Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey and Lauryn Hill losing their vocal range wanted a fail-safe, much like my high school chorus friend.

Sure beats the rumor that Michael Jackson took drugs to artificially keep his voice high. And damn sure is more intriguing.

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It’s a slow Saturday, whick is why you have no excuse not to follow the link and check out Melinda Doolittle’s June 1st appearance on The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, as she performs “Home” from The Wiz.

Melinda would make a great Dorothy with Sanjaya revisiting Michael Jackson’s Scarecrow performance, Randy as the Cowardly Lion, Simon as the Tin Man and Paula as a flying monkey. And who would be The Wiz? Clive Davis, of course!

http://www.mandjshow.com/videos/melinda-doolittle-performs/

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Rosie O’Donnell tried to exercise restraint before her tiff with Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View “(b)ecause here’s how it gets spun in the media: ‘Rosie, big fat lesbian loud Rosie, attacks innocent pure Christian Elisabeth,’ ”

Their tussle gave us insight into a war that many did not know was occurring. This is a war not about gay vs straight, Christian vs heathen, or loudness vs purity.

This is a war about fat people vs thin people.

Rosie O’Donnell’s replacement will have huge ramifications on the war’s outcome. Rosie’s seat was previously held by Star Jones, who was given the boot after she lost weight. I know “the official story”: Star was dropped for using the show to pimp product placement for her wedding. But that’s not the point, especially if a rejected, skinny View wannabe pulls a Cameron Diaz and asks “Does Rosie’s spot have a size requirement? Can’t a skinny girl get some cake or cheddar too?”

And there’s value in that question.

Just because a skinny girl doesn’t eat, doesn’t mean she doesn’t need bread. Angelina Jolie needs dough, and laxatives, and a photo touch up, to look heroin chic without using heroin, according to Dr. Jeffrey Bronstein’s analysis in the NY Post. She sure as hell doesn’t use ex-lax, because she’s too rich to go out like that.

If Rosie’s replacement is Roseanne Barr, it could add more weight to the divide. And it would be a shame, because America is filled with people who are fat, skinny, and all sizes in between. Kathy Griffin, who is loud and obnoxious could be a bridge builder on The View. And we’d get around the fat vs thin ruckus, because we’d have someone right in the middle. The View would show that there isn’t, nor should there be, an official dress size for America.

And this is a message that needs to get across.

Unfortunately, Captain America dead, so we have no American idol to…

…wait a minute…

Did I write American Idol?

We got one!

Jordin Sparks, a former plus size model, can be the one who makes a difference since she likes her curves:

“I’m really comfortable in my own skin,” Jordin says with her signature wide smile. “I learned that I’m not ever going to be a size 2. I would look so weird as a size 2. Somebody would blow and I would fall right over. It just wouldn’t be healthy.“

Jordin Sparks can bring fat people and skinny people together. She’s not fat, she’s Amazonian. So, you see, American Idol strikes again!

The Producers handpicked Jordin because they knew war was on the horizon. They’re British, after all, and saw the backlash against skinnies like Keira Knightley, Kate Moss, and Shilpa Shetty in their own country. It was only a matter of time before it hit the United States. Melinda had pipes, and was definitely not TOFI (thin outside fat inside), but she’s not a plus size model.

And that’s another reason why Melinda Doolittle was jerked.
——
Where do you weigh in? And what about Nicole Richie’s 100 lb weight requirement for her Memorial Day Party? How about the NY Post news story that fat people are more likely to die from using Ecstasy? And the European Union’s attack on obesity?

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Last Thursday, numerous strands pointing to an American Idol conspiracy were pieced together on this very site. Jordin Sparks’ victory and the surprise canning of favorite Melinda Doolittle was alleged to be the work of careful planning in an attempt to maximize ratings. Whether or not you believe the conspiracy is moot: Jordin Sparks is the American Idol. She has a great voice and would never lie to win the competition.

That’s what we thought…

…until this morning!

MSNBC reports that Jordin Sparks had a vocal coach. What’s the big deal?

That may come as a surprise to Sparks’ fans because on her official bio on the “Idol” Web site, when asked if she ever had formal training, Sparks answered, “No.”

Melissa Black, who was Jordin’s coach for nine months, felt ‘hurt’ by not being acknowledged and having her work ignored.

People believed that Jordin was this vocal ingenue as opposed to the wily veteran Melissa Doolittle. This belief was furthered by the “I’m only 17″ mantra that Jordin, the judges, and even Ryan Seacrest recited.

This affected voting.

Would Melissa Black, removed from American Idol history to further a secretly held conspiracy, burn with hatred as an unwitting pawn to Jordin Sparks’ orchestrated march to victory?

“I’ve moved on, and I hold my head up high.”

If only I could move on.

But when I remember the golden voice of Melinda Doolittle, and remember the odds she’s overcome, only to have victory taken away from her because of some producer’s notion that an American Idol should have a prominent neck, I just can’t. I just can’t…
—-
What do think of the “oversight”? Who do you identify with: Melinda, Jordin, or Melissa?

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With American Idol wrapped up, viewers are scrambling for something to watch.

Two suggestions that have popped up are also signs of the apocalypse:

1. Cheddar cheese aging in real-time on cheddarvision.tv
2. Three contestants fight over a kidney on The Big Donor Show, a new reality television program.

You can watch a the real-time cheese aging on cheddarvision.tv.

C’mon. You know you want to…

It’s no Sanjaya, but more entertaining than Barry Gibb or Gwen Stefani’s performance with Akon. Speaking of Akon, how do you think show producers would have reacted if he pulled the stunt he did in Trinidad with the 15 year old, live on Fox? Melinda Doolittle would’ve had a heart attack.

As far as the The Big Donor Show is concerned, we have your friends at the AP:

During the show, Lisa (the kidney donor) will hear interviews with the three candidates, their families and friends before choosing who will get her kidney. Viewers will be able to vote for a candidate via SMS text message, but the final determination will be Lisa’s.

The shocking plot twist?

There’s no guarantee the winner will actually receive the organ, because there is no tissue compatibility screening prior to the contestant selection.

So, the contestants, hoping for a donation, might actually get nothing.

But wait, there’s more!

The organ donor has cancer and it’s possible that her organs might spread the cancer.

With a ‘prize’ like that, it makes you wonder what the runners up get.

Before we start the “man folks outside of the U.S. are backwards” bandwagon, let’s look at our own reality history.

If a show which encourages young wimmenz to make out with Flavor Flav is legal in the U.S., should we be surprised that The Big Donor Show produced by Endemol NV, which created Big Brother and Fear Factor, is legal in another country?

According to Reuters, BNN the network airing the show on Dutch TV, has broadcast other reality TV shows, including one called “Shooting and Swallowing” illustrating the impact of drug use, and another show on sex called “This is How You Screw“.

One question from this despicable attempt at ratings must be answered:

Why isn’t BNN offered by my cable carrier?

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People magazine adds another link to the Jordin Sparks conspiracy AKA Melinda Doolittle wuz jerked via Blake Lewis:

Many Idol watchers – including the judges – say that Lewis’ fate was sealed by the final song, “This is My Now,” an emotional ballad that clearly suited Sparks’ powerful voice over beat-boxer Blake. Lewis agrees. “‘This is My Now” is definitely not my style, a song I would never sing if I didn’t have to,” he says. “It fit [Jordin] like perfectly. And I honestly think they should have had two songs that were tailored to both of us, but I’m so happy with being second place.”

Also, Lisa DeMoraes “pretty girl vs goofy guy” summation is granted greater credence from Blake as well:

“I love being goofy”

The American Idol Producers loved it too, Blake.

And as far as being a sell-out?

Asked which previous American Idol has a career that he would like to emulate, “None of them,” says Lewis. “I want to set my own path.”

Didn’t I tell you he was a rebel? Rock on, Blake Lewis.

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