Refried Screens

Check out how a weave stopped a bullet…

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Dude gets so mad, he chucks his loafers at George Bush in Iraq:

First the shoe bomber and now this? I guess journalists will have to do press conferences in their socks.

David Blaine wants you to worship him because he does dumb shit. His latest stunt: hang upside down in Central Park and take breaks now and then:

What’s next? Channel surfing horizontally on a couch? Staying up for three days with a few nap breaks? How about reading a few pages of this site? That’s pure torture!

Last night on WNBC-TV’s Channel 4, Sue Simmons dropped the F-Bomb during a promo (NSFW):

I blame co-Anchor Chuck Scarborough. If you look at his expression before Simmons went crazy, you can tell he’s clearly up to no good.

Hopefully she doesn’t suffer the fate of Arthur Chien who was fired after Opie and Andy fans set him up (NSFW):

Back in the day, people associated Jamaican music with the spliff sounds of Bob Marley. While Bob singed about revolution, he wasn’t as threatening as Peter Tosh, but that’s a discussion for another day.

My point is, if you think that getting your groove on in Jamaica is all about weeded, laid back, Red Stripe drinking chilling, check out this video (Thanks Mediatakeout.com):

For generations, people have tried to figure out the best way of learning different languages.  Some spend years immersing themselves in foreign cultures in other countries. Others pay top dollar for Berlitz classes.

Now, the good folks at Fox News offer a cheaper, more dangerous alternative:

SYDNEY —  A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak “Australian”.

Now we finally know how Dr. Doolittle was able to “talk to the animals”.

Deciphering the movie posters, we should have known all along the producers were trying to tell us the sad and dirty truth…

Note the positioning of the horse…

And why is Eddie Murphy bending over?  Which “language” is he learning?

Now the monkey and bear are having their way with him!

That Eskimo doctor in Grizzly Man was right.  There is a world of animals and a world of man that sometimes, should never intersect!

Years ago, a friend of mine warned against eating red jambalaya while in New Orleans.

Turns out it can be a witches brew with menstrual blood in the stew.

He swore up and down that a classmate of his was trapped in a woman’s home in New Orleans, unable to muster the willpower to escape because of the red jambalaya she fed him.

“She put roots on that dude, man!”

I didn’t believe his story until I read this ditty about Louisiana Chef Paul Prudhomme getting shot while setting up a cooking tent:

He shook his shirt sleeve and a .22 caliber bullet fell to the ground, a spokesman for the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office said.

Witnesses said the bullet cut Prudhomme’s skin on his arm and put a hole in his white chef’s coat. But Prudhomme continued cooking until he left the course about 3:30 p.m.

Some people think it’s because Prudhomme is a fat fuck. But I know better.

It’s the roots.

And that’s not a cookbook.

It’s a spellbook.

That is, if you can break the Prudhomme code!

I don’t think your cholesterol is up to the challenge.

Male pattern baldness has been the mane bane since the dawn of time.  Men had to play a game of acting as if balding didn’t bother them, because the options, toupee and combover, weren’t real options.

Baldness shame wasn’t seen as sexy, So guys needed was a stealth option.  Something that eliminated the shame of balding, but was bold. 

Michael Jordan popularized the bald head. 

It didn’t destroy his perceived virility.  Bald Michael Jordan looked like a champion, not a cancer patient.

Unfortunately, white guys didn’t enjoy the same option, because a bald white head made them look like nazis.

That is, until Stone Cold Steve Austin came around.

Because of Stone Cold, anyone, regardless of race, could shave their heads.

And then the backlash came.

Bret Michaels introduced a wig/hat combo which confused people at first, but eventually was revealed to be faker than a bad boob job.

Then, American Idol ringer Robbie Carrico tried to pull a Bret.  Robbie was younger, so he thought he could get away with it. 

He did, until TMZ struck.

After that, he was voted out of American Idol.

America is not down with the wigness.

During the DGA Awards, director Julian Schnabel of Diving Bell and the Butterfly took a little too long to give his speech. Was he caught up in the moment or just trying to be profound in his dramatic pauses? Whatever the case may be, Sean Young wasn’t having it:

Eventually, she was kicked out. Fortunately for her, she took full advantage of the open bar and kickstarted her career without being tased. We can all learn a lot from Sean Young.

According to reports, Heath Ledger was found dead of a drug overdose in SoHo, NY at 3:35 PM. He seemed to be boss in The Dark Knight movie as Joker and supposedly locked himself in a room to get into character. Hopefully, there weren’t any residual mental effects resulting from the method acting getting into role:

To prepare for the role he lived alone in a hotel room for a month, formulating the character’s posture, voice and psychology. While he initially found it difficult, Ledger was eventually able to generate a voice which did not sound like Jack Nicholson’s take on the character in Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman film. He started a diary, in which he wrote the Joker’s thoughts and feelings to guide himself during his performance. The challenge of the role put a strain on Ledger’s sleep patterns, finding himself unable to rest for more than a few hours each night

So many folks write about how Britney Spears is gonna die of an overdose. What they fail to remember is THIS is how people who O.D. normally go out. Not attention whoring or begging for paparazzi to document their despair. They go out alone, without seeking notice, which is why we’ll never see Britney go out like this. She lives for the tabloids, not the drugs.