Refried Screens

Harry Potter fans don’t seem ready for the death of their favorite series.
Similar sentiment was felt when Marvel Comics murdered Captain America. Jeph Loeb wrote Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America to help out. And help out, he did. Fans felt better, no Marvel Comics editors lost their lives at the hands of a Captain America fanatic, and Marvel Comics made some loot by capitalizing on Cap’s death. Fallen Son used the Kubler-Ross model to help long time fans deal with Cap’s assassination by watching their favorite superheroes suffer.

I’d like to extend the same consideration for the fans of Harry Potter, without the superhero suffering and $2.99 cover price. I also hope to create a safe haven for J.K. Rowling as well, much like the Fallen Son series did for Marvel Comics editors. Unfortunately, I can’t work miracles, so if someone is so distraught, they end up dressing like Harry Potter with a burrito in their pants like the Captain America impersonator here, I take no responsibility.

Starting Monday, I will have daily post featuring a stage of grief, accompanied by an inspirational video. If I put everything in one post, the emotional overload will cause Harry Potter fans to spontaneously combust. And we (or at least some of us) wouldn’t want that to happen.

Stay strong Pott-heads, help in on the way!

But for now, check out the dangers of Spontaneous Combustion:

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Crystal Meth, Crack, Harry Potter?

Harry Potter Fans, upset over their supply of fresh books is coming to an end, are petitioning J.K. Rowling to continue giving them their fix:

“Millions, perhaps billions of us, love reading his adventures and we never want them to end,” says the online petition, launched on Monday at www.saveharrypotter.co.uk. (Reuters)

And they’re not the only ones suffering from withdrawl.

I downed half a bottle of champagne from the mini-bar in one and went home with mascara all over my face. That was really tough…I felt euphoria, devastated, when I finished one chapter near the end. I absolutely howled, it had been planned for so long.” (J.K. Rowling via People)

Imagine the howling if she pulls a Sopranos finale or follows the academic call for Potter’s head in order to follow mythological tradition. If Rowling follows that path, would Pott-heads be as interested in titles like Oh Weasley! or Hermie Goes To College?

Methinks they’d follow the lead of Jericho fans who sent over 20 tons of nuts to CBS headquarters in an effort to revive the canceled show. After the nut deluge, CBS relented.

Does Harry Potter survive the Deathly Hallows? I could care less!
The real mystery is what kind of crap Harry Potter fans will send J.K. Rowling if their petition fails!

When Daniel Radcliffe was on Extras, he played a ravenous, girl crazy teen. I was taken aback by how well he played the role, and felt guilty for underestimating his acting chops…

Little did I know he wasn’t acting…

The 17-year-old actor insists he is too young to settle down and is keen to take advantage of any groupies he has. He said: “Girls who want to go out with me just because I’m famous has never been a problem. I’m 17. I don’t care.” (Female First via Best Week Ever)

Harry Potter hooking up with groupies? As if Equus wasn’t bad enough!

Let’s hope he doesn’t believe his magic wand makes him invincible. In real life, there is no antidote for Furnunculus.

Some dude claims that he hacked a digital copy of author J.K. Rowling’s seventh and final book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. He posts the spoilers here.

The reason?

“By following the precious words of the great Pope Benedict XVI when he still was Cardinal Josepth Ratzinger. He explained why Harry Potter bring the youngs of our earth to Neo Paganism faith. So we make this spoiler to make reading of the upcoming book useless and boring.”

I remember the good old days. People who wanted to protest would picket movie theaters or simply burn books. Nobody got hurt and, hey, it made for a good show. But now, the protest has gone online…

And it’s scary. Scary boring.

I don’t think it’s the Pope who is behind this…it’s Universal Pictures.

Why?

What better way to guarantee the #1 box office slot for Evan Almighty than making Christians feel guilty about watching non-Christian entertainment like early Oscar contender Fantastic Four:Rise of the Silver Surfer or a masterpiece like John Cusak’s 1408, which coincidentally opens the same day as Bruce Almighty and features the supernatural?

Defamer cites a LA Times story revealing the efforts of the studio to court Christians for the movie.

There is one person who can stop this madness…

Paris Hilton, I call on you and your new found faith to come forth from prison and strike down these abominations! It’s your calling! Didn’t I tell you she had a purpose? Read here if you plumb forgot.