Refried Screens

Before Transformers comes out and flops, Warner Bros is making a live-action ThunderCats Movie.

Is nothing sacred?

This kind of thing has been tried before, and I don’t mean the Super Mario Bros Movie. It was something even more horrid: Masters of the Universe.

Masters of the Universe was based on the cartoon, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. As if it wasn’t bad enough I had already wasted my allowance on the He-Man and She-Ra: The Secret of the Sword, theatrical release which was later shown on tv for free. Allowance that could’ve been spent on comic books. Comic books that appreciate in value and could have paid for my law school tuition! They had to rub salt in the wound and waste even more of my money with Masters of the Universe.

For those who didn’t see any of the movies, I can sum the bastardization up with a brief comparison. The He-Man cartoon had a funny imp called Orko:

The Masters of the Universe movie had Gwildor: who looks like he contracted some intergalactic venereal disease:

I shudder to think about what they’re going to do with Cheetara.

Someone finally pulled a John Hinckley analysis, AKA “Blame the Movie/Book/Videogame for creating the psycho“, on Cho Seung-Hui for the Virginia Tech massacre. The movie of choice, for today at least, is Oldboy.

Look at the photo: Cho has a hammer and so does Dae-Su Oh, the protagonist of Oldboy. Cho was violent and so was Dae-Su.

Forget the fact that Cho used 9mm and .22-caliber pistols, not a hammer.

Forget the fact that Oldboy took place in Korea and Dae-Su fought to defend himself from thugs who kidnapped him and a criminal mastermind who tricked him into committing incest.

Yes, you read that right: Dae-Su slept with his daughter. At the end of the movie, once he finds out, he cuts out his tongue.

Forget that Dae-Su doesn’t commit suicide. He, like George Michael suggested, Chooses Life. Unlike George Michael, Dae-Su decides to continue his monogamous relationship with his daughter. Unlike Dae-Su, Cho was childless and kept his tongue intact. Unlike Dae-Sue’s mop-top hairstyle, Cho shaved his head.

What is the parallel between Dae-Su and Cho? Oh yeah, I forgot.

He took a photo with a hammer.

Since Cho was an English major, wouldn’t it make more sense to blame John Henry?

Maybe Cho took a Norse Myths class. We can blame Thor…

Sorry, he probably read comics, so I got the wrong Thor…

Nope, throw all that out the window. It’s Oldboy to blame.

If out of touch critics want to blame something. Why not blame a videogame? That’s the “hip” thing to do these days. Don’t worry, if you’re not up on videogames. I’ll give you a character who, like Cho, has a hammer…and even better yet…he’s Asian!:

That’s right. The Hammer Brother from Super Mario.