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50 Cent survived being shot, but didn’t really trust his fans, so he wore a bulletproof vest on stage during his concerts.

One can assume it works. After all, 50 Cent hasn’t been shot at since wearing the vest.

But Fiddy should have learned from country singer Tim McGraw that getting a cap busted in your ass is the least of one’s worries when performing on stage.

Last year during a concert, a fan grabbed Tim’s family jewels right in front of wifey Faith Hill.

Later, after shaking hands with the crowd, McGraw got his wedding ring snatched.

50 Cent probably thought it was the work of hillbillies, and paid it no mind. 

After a concert in the African country Angola, 50 Cent received a harsh lesson about concert security when a thug snatched Fiddy’s chain off his chest ON STAGE:

50 Cent was supposed to be down with Brownsville’s M.O.P., so he should’ve heard their song Ante Up at least once:

Them thugs you know, ain’t friendly
Them jewels you rock, make em envy
You thinkin it’s all good, you creep through a small hood
Goons comin up outta cut for your goods and they all should
Ante Up! Yap that fool

Maybe 50 Cent, like girls who dance to misogynistic songs at the club, liked the beat so much, he didn’t pay attention to the words.

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The Smoking Gun dropped a bombshell. Turns out that Akon ain’t the gansta boo he tried to convince the world he is:

Akon’s invented tales appear to be part of a cynical marketing plan, but one that has met with remarkable success. Few press interviews conclude without Akon being asked about his criminal exploits and his prison days. He obliges with canned and well-rehearsed claims, false as they may be, and compares his supposed nationwide operation to those depicted in the movies “Gone in 60 Seconds” and “New Jersey Drive.”

Akon joins a long list of studio gangsters like Dr. Dre and Ja Rule and has me wondering if he really tossed that dude off the stage last year.

In times like these, I’m missing the hell out of Eazy-E, a REAL Muthafrakkin’ G. NSFW since he’s not a role model or a Dr. Seuss, he was a gansta, and about to get stupid.

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Willie Nelson’s Daughter Paula allegedly laid the smacketh down on some drunk while she was performing in Austin, Texas:

The timing of the fight choreography needs some work, but she has potential. With a little more practice, she’d be perfect for G.L.O.W:

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The Spice Girls shook the world when they announced they were coming back together, only to break up months later on tour.

The same can be said for Van Halen.  They released a new band photo and broke up a week later.  They eventually got back together, started touring, and broke up again.

But Dru Hill has all of those guys beat.

They came back together…

…only to break up 10 minutes later:

Whether or not the reunion/break up is a publicity stunt remains to be seen.  But one thing is even less certain…

Does the Dude abide the Dru Hill reunion?

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A number of people are scratching their heads over Herbie Hancock’s victory at the Grammy Awards.  They don’t know how an album they never heard of could win the Grammy for Album of the Year.

What they don’t understand is the value of history and reparations.

For decades, white musicians from Elvis to Eminem have enjoyed success mimicking black artists.

Even this year, Amy Winehouse was the darling for her interpretive hybridization of Billie Holiday, 60’s girl group soul, and Joss Stone.

If she swept the awards, Little Richard would’ve pitched a fit.  It’s bad enough they made him play on the same stage as, you guessed it, two white musicians who made careers from mimicking black musicians.

The Grammy Awards needed to set things right.

Enter Herbie Hancock. 

With the 50th Anniversary of the Grammy Awards, his album, which covered Joni Mitchell songs, provided a prime opportunity for reparations.

How often do you have a black musician ripping off a white artist? And not in the Suge Knight/Vanilla Ice gangsta style?

This was the industry’s attempt to correct a wrong and diss Kanye West with one fell swoop.

In other words, it’s a win-win for everybody.

And if you don’t like that, you don’t like justice.

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Tori Amos went off in concert again. This time in LA. She adds her NSFW .02 to the WGA strike:

Maybe she can be booked on Carson Daly.

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Tori Amos was trying to get her concert on in San Diego and two attendees kept on coming and going in the front row, so Ms. Amos had to handle her bidness:

I guess some folks haven’t learned their lesson after that Akon mess months back.   Or maybe they have, but thought Tori Amos wouldn’t regulate.  Either way, the true winners in all of this are the fans who watched Tori pull double duty: performer and security guard.

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For years, many have wondered how Beyonce keeps all of that jelly in check. During her performance in Shanghai, we found the answer:  Bridget Jones drawers AKA Tummy Control Knickers. 

Not only do the undies hold everything together, they’re dangerous!

According to Professor John Hunter Tummy Control Knickers could trigger a rash of health problems from having a damaging effect on breathing patterns to heartburn, inflammation and ulcers of the stomach, or even worse…

“(I)t could cause over-rapid breathing, chronic hyperventilation leading to panic attacks and stress incontinence, because if the pressure on the stomach has suddenly risen when a woman sneezes or coughs it could trigger an embarrassing leak.”

In other words, Bootylicious Hershey Chocolate Squirts.

If Beyonce was embarrassed by falling down the stairs and flashing the crowd, imagine how she’ll feel when photogs get a shot of her skidmarks.  Fans in the front row would suffer more than the poor saps burned by her pyrotechnic malfunction in St. Louis.

Beyonce might throw caution to the wind and end up like Fergie, who was eventually able to recover from her own embarrassing leak.  Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to look at her humps the same way since…

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MTV realized that controversy = ratings, so their European broadcast scheduled everyone’s favorite Brit who tries to sound black singer Amy Winehouse.  And she was a complete wreck.

In fact, the only good thing about the show was it comfirmed that Kelly Rowland of Destiny’s Child got breast implants.  Look at that dimple/fissure:

I would suggest launching a Kim Kardashian search for who dented her implant.  The only problem is nobody cares about Kelly Rowland even after all her plastic surgery.  

Let’s hope she doesn’t go the way of Winehouse, because the novelty of a black crackheaded singer didn’t really work for Whitney Houston’s career…

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T.I. was on his way to the B.E.T. Awards. After all, he was nominated for a nine of them, which is more than anyone else.  Since he was pretty much guaranteed an award, someone set him up:

T.I. was arrested after an undercover operation by ATF agents that started on October 2 when ATF agents learned an individual was seeking to buy machine guns without registering them, the Justice Department said in a statement.That individual, who turned out to be a bodyguard for the artist, was arrested on Wednesday after paying $2,200 for three machine guns, two silencers and a pistol.  He said he was buying the guns for T.I., and with the blessing of ATF agents arranged to deliver them to T.I.’s house on Saturday.

The bodyguard was probably working under the direction of another B.E.T. Awards nominee who was jealous of T.I.’s record nominations.  What better way to eliminate the competition than set him up with a gun charge?

For all we know, T.I. needed the guns as props for his stage performance at the B.E.T. Awards, and needed the real things, since replica guns wouldn’t fool the hardcore gangstas watching his performance.

I feel for T.I. as he was arrested in a case of where keeping it real went wrong.

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