Refried Screens

Now I’ve seen it all…

Last year, we ragged on Barack Obama for not having a sense of humor over the Obama Girl joke.

After watching Obama’s roasting John McCain at the Alfred E. Smith dinner in New York, we stand CORRECTED:

Alaska Governor and Republican VP Candidate Sarah Palin tried strumming up some cheap press in a swing state by dropping the puck at the Philadelphia Flyers/New York Rangers hockey game. She forgot one thing…

They don’t play that in Philly.

Here’s the video:

Neither the piped music nor daughter Piper could drown out the boos. And look at the guys in the crowd!

It’s times like these when you wish the debates were held before Flyers games.

Frankly, I don’t understand why Sarah Palin should be ashamed of this footage from the Miss Alaska pageant. Apparently, these don’t stay up long:

But this guy here says he’s keeping it up…no pun intended.

David Letterman still can’t get over John McCain’s last minute Late Show no show:

Will the networks follow if McCain no shows the debate tonight?

Hell hath no fury like a talk show host scorned.

Someone should have told John McCain before he decided to diss David Letterman:

Dave is right, maybe someone put something in John’s metamucil!

Man, Barack Obama can’t catch a break. Black men just can’t stand his ass. First, Bill Clinton, then Jeremiah Wright and Jesse Jackson. Take a look at what happens when the brotha tries to make a speech and shit in Florida:

Then he has to come back and answer their questions:

We know you’re pulling a Sade and singing ‘Is it a crime’, but if interrupting Obama’s touching eloquence with slackjawed grunting isn’t criminal, we don’t know what is! The protester can’t even make up his mind whether he’s talking about Africans or black people. And a mind IS a terrible thing to waste, you know…

After MLK’s assassination, Jesse Jackson hit the talk show circuit wearing a shirt with King’s blood on it. Jesse claimed the fact that King’s blood splashed his shirt meant he was “anointed” by Martin to continue MLK’s legacy.

Pretty weird.

But not as weird as Jesse Jackson’s desire to possess Barack Obama’s nuts:

What plans did Jesse Jackson have for Obama’s nuts after he cut them off?

Would Jesse Jackson use Obama’s nuts as a hood ornament? Perhaps Jesse Jackson would replace his rear view mirror fuzzy dice with Obama’s testicles. Or he’d wear them around his neck like an Africa medallion.

How would Jesse pimp Obama’s balls, anyway? As a means to take the Democratic nomination? Blackmail for the V.P. slot? Maybe he’s thinks Obama’s family jewels is the key to getting with Scarlett Johansson. She is Obama’s pen pal after all…

No, my friends, Jesse Jackson’s obsession with Barack Obama’s cojones will remain a mystery likely never to be solved.

And maybe it’s better for America that it stays that way. It sure as hell would be better for Barack Obama. Lord knows he don’t need no Jesse Jackson copycat nut jobs…

Another day, another minister controversy.

As if Jeremiah Wright and John Hagee weren’t enough, now we have Father Michael Pfleger:

Father Pfleger isn’t just a threat to Obama, nor is Father Pfleger just a threat to typo-averse writers.

Father Pfleger is a threat to black ministers.

After all, Jeremiah Wright was never this funny or entertaining.

First white people took the blues from black performers, then rock and roll, and eventually rap music.

Now, they’ll take the Black Church!

Lawd have mercy!

Poor Barak Obama. 

First he had to contend with Obama Girl trying to ruin his election and marriage.

That didn’t work, so the Man sent Britney Spears to take away Obama’s shine.

Big wheel kept on turning, proud Obama kept on burning.

Then, like a cold sore that won’t go away on prom night, Jeremiah Wright had to come back and run his mouth again and again.

Why would he jeopardize Obama’s chance to make history and become the first black President?

Because Jeremiah Wright fears Barak Obama’s success.  Take a look at Obama’s race speech:

The profound mistake of Reverend Wright’s sermons is not that he spoke about racism in our society. It’s that he spoke as if our society was static; as if no progress has been made; as if this country - a country that has made it possible for one of his own members to run for the highest office in the land and build a coalition of white and black; Latino and Asian, rich and poor, young and old — is still irrevocably bound to a tragic past. But what we know — what we have seen - is that America can change. That is true genius of this nation. What we have already achieved gives us hope - the audacity to hope - for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

If Obama’s run at the White House fails, so does Obama’s argument.  And Jeremiah Wright wins.  He can say, “See, look at what they did to Brother Obama.  I told you things haven’t changed.”  Then he can write a book, start a new congregation and rake in the $$$ representing good ol’ fashioned fearmongering.

And we all know about the danger of fear as taught by noted Unitarian Universalist Master Yoda:

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

People have questioned whether Obama was present during Wright’s infamous speeches. 

But they’re looking for the wrong churchgoer. 

Instead of looking for Mr. Obama, all eyes should be on whether Britney Spears was in the crowd.  After all, a Sith apprentice is never far from their Sith Lord.

That’s right, I’m suggesting that the Man behind Obama’s troubles is actually Jeremiah Wright.  He is the Emperor to Britney Spears’ Vader.  Darth Sidious to Obama Girl’s Maul.

These are dark times indeed.

Barak Obama, may the Force be with you.