Refried Screens

First, Louis Farrakhan’s endorsement of Barak Obama raised the ire of some voters.

Now Barak Obama’s minister Jeremiah Wright, who inspired the title of Obama’s book The Audacity of Hope, threatens Obama’s presidential hopes.  I hope the title was worth it, Obama.

Since candidates are now held accountable for their preachers, I expect church enrollment to take a massive drop.  Sunday School is still safe, as long as politicians vacate with their families before the service begins. 

A fine excuse to avoid the collection plate, akin to this guy’s convoluted attempt to avoid paying gas:

And one can only imagine the political damage that will be done once preachers who speak in tongues have their sermons translated by Fox News.

In wake of Barak Obama’s trouble with ministers, I guess kids have a new excuse not to go to church:

“Mama, I wanna be President.”

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Bill Clinton has been campaigning tirelessly for his wife Hillary, especially after she was in hot water for her take on LBJ and MLK. But after falling asleep during an MLK celebration, he has some ’splainin’ to do:

Bill’s only hope is to say he ate before the sermon and had a touch of the “itis”:

Black American Vernacular English to describe a condition of sleepiness associated with eating meats and sauces, a real human phenomenon known that (in slang) is also sometimes called food coma. The foods commonly considered to be soul foods are generally high in both fat and carbohydrates, and are thus more likely to induce sleepiness.

If anyone can pull it off, it’s the country’s “first Black President“.

Condoleezza Rice was going to address Congress and a protester got in her face, threatening to smear her with symbolic blood, but Condi wasn’t having it:

I don’t like Condi, but I love her “Bitch, please” expression:

If Condi can handle a sexist booty attack and the wackiness of weekly White House meetings, she sure as hell can handle fake blood and screaming.

The protester was lucky Condi’s tag-team partner Randy Bean wasn’t there.  Otherwise, she would have been victim to a Rice and Bean beatdown! 

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez made a politically devastating move last Sunday.  And it didn’t involve oil.  It involved silicone.

Inspired by the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon, he made an eight hour appeal for the minds, and chests, of Venezuela’s youth:

“Now some people think, ‘My daughter’s turning 15, let’s give her breast enlargements.’ That’s horrible. It’s the ultimate degeneration.”  Chavez complained about the new fad of giving the plastic surgery operation at 15 — when Latin Americans celebrate a girl’s coming-of-age — during a diatribe against what he says are Western-imposed consumerist icons such as Barbie dolls.

While the world railed against Mattel toys containing lead paint,  it was Chavez who knew that Barbie was the real poisonous threat to children.

With Venezuela’s apparent stranglehold on beauty competitions, one would think that other countries, tired of losing top ten slots in the Miss Universe pageant to Venezuela, would join his cause.  Unfortunately, such a position would come at great cost:

They would have to forsake breast implants as well.

And that could never happen. 

This guy starts asking questions about the secret society connection between Senator John Kerry and President George W. Bush…and gets tasered.
They don’t call them secret societies for nothin, kid!

For years, women and minorities have speculated on the possible indignities accepted by Condoleezza Rice to become and maintain her status as a Republican Party token.

With Glenn Kessler’s new bio, The Confidante: Condoleezza Rice and the Creation of the Bush Legacy, their prayers have been answered:

Wanting to show his partner how firm Rice’s behind was, Coit Blacker postulated that if he aimed a quarter at her butt, it would bounce right off like a rocket. “He was right,” says Kessler. “[Rice] didn’t realize what he had done until everyone was laughing hysterically. She was flattered and proud.”

How did he know she was flattered and proud?  Did she spend the rest of the evening placing bets on which items she could bounce off her booty?  How else would you react when everyone is laughing at you?  And why didn’t Blacker (ironically a white dude) hang things off his dong instead? 

That’s right, because it’s easier to pick on Condi’s booty.

Outside, Condi might have been laughing, but inside, Condi was crying.

Having a firm booty should be appreciated privately, not persecuted publicly.

In wake of Bootygate, I shudder to think of the horrors poor Alberto Gonzales must have endured to become the Attorney General.  

Mark my words, there was a pinata involved.

After Barak Obama dissed Obama Girl Amber Lee Ettinger, she responded by kicking him to the curb:

“I have to say I’m very impressed with Hillary Clinton. I watched the recent debates and I liked a lot of her answers!”

And to rub it in, she’s posing for Playboy, so Obama can see what he missed out on.

The news is a win-win-win, for everybody:

Obama and his family can move on… 

Hillary can ditch that YouTube dude…

And Bill Clinton has an opportunity to prove to Ms. Ettinger that it isn’t just Obama’s universal health care reform that can make her warm.

——

Who do you think is the winner?  Obama, Hillary, Bill, or the fans?

World War III might be upon us.

Over Presidential beefcake.

Vladimir Putin was recently photographed with his shirt off in a he-man nature pose that has Russia reeling:

And with it came a number of theories ranging from an attempt to please the ladies to a plea for more tolerance of homosexuality in Russia.  A newspaper even offered a step-by-step guide on how to get a Putin body.

But they’re all missing the point.  This isn’t about gay rights or inspiring physical fitness.

It’s about upstaging French President Nicolas Sarkozy:

“The weekly news magazine L’Express said Paris Match, had applied a “magic wand” to the photograph of Sarkozy paddling in a canoe to remove the bulges around his waist that are often known as ‘love handles’.”

Turns out that the magazine owner is a buddy of French President Nicolas Sarkozy, and wanted to hook his boy up.  With Putin’s connections to the KGB, I wouldn’t put it past him to have leaked the news in order to upstage France.   

Whether or not this is Russia’s pre-emptive strike against an Obama administration is unknown. 

I hope cooler heads prevail. 

The last thing we need is Dick Cheney entering the fray, by posing for his own shirtless photo.

—–

What do you think is next? Resurrecting the “Mr. Universe” pageant with world leaders as competitors?  And what about the lady leaders?  Will Hef be calling soon?

After all the talk about Obama Girl, you knew it was only a matter of time before Hillary got some lovin’:

“After my posting last week of a music video by Obama Girl, I hunted YouTube to find out if Hillary Clinton also has a musical admirer. She doesn’t. I can’t figure out why. As a middle-aged white male, I find Hillary … how do the kids put it these days? Oh yes! Hot!” (Edmonton Journal)

He isn’t the only one curious about the existence of a “Hillary Boy”:

“I don’t think that Bill Clinton necessarily would have laughed if a ‘Bill Girl’ had existed in his era. Now I’m trying to picture a ‘Hillary Boy.’”— Ontario Emperor.

A Blog About Nothing replied: “A Hillary boy? I think I just threw up in my mouth. Just a little bit…”.

I searched and finally found him right here.

I don’t think Bill has anything to worry about.
——
Are there any other Hillary Boys out there? What can she do to up the quality of her groupies?

Days ago, I thought Obama Girl would ruin the election for Barak Obama. 

Little did I know how right I was.  Not because Obama lacks self-control.  Obama lacks a sense of humor:

Sen. Obama, D-Ill., said he knows the video was meant to be lighthearted, but he wasn’t smiling when asked about it .  “I guess it’s too much to ask, but you do wish people would think about what impact their actions have on kids and families,” Obama said.

What a party pooper. 

If we have learned anything over the past two election cycles, it’s the fact that Americans want a president who is fun. 

And if Barak Obama doesn’t find his smile, he won’t have a chance against Sopranos lovin’ Hilary Clinton. 

At this rate, he reminds me of another intelligent, grumpy, boring and easily frustrated media celebrity who enjoys activities such as paper clip and bottle cap collecting, cooking oatmeal and watching pigeons.

Bert aka Bertsama Bin Laden.

Left to his own devices, he’d probably put the Obama Girl in a burka.

And that, my friends, is un-American.