The Secret Reason O.J. Did It
The world is abuzz over O.J. Simpson’s alleged armed robbery. Some think it’s a manifestation of O.J.’s guilt, since he got away with one crime and subconsciously, he wants to be punished.
After all, he licensed his image in a videogame with a mascot for his team “Assassins” that celebrates touchdowns with slashing motions. He also wrote a semi-confession called “If I Did It”. Neither of which got him jailed.
But if you think O.J.’s guilt is motivating him, you just don’t understand the man.
O.J. Simpson committed the armed robbery because he wants more money.
The Goldmans took his videogame and book rights/money, thwarting his original plan of jumpstarting his acting career by playing himself in the movie adaptation of “If I Did It”.
The reason why O.J. planned the armed robbery was a flawed attempt to create buzz over his real life Ocean’s 11 caper.
After the arrest, he can write a book about it and star in the movie adaptation.
His lawyers weren’t able to keep previous projects away from the Brown and Goldman families, but this time they’re ready!
Since Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman had nothing to do with the bungled burglary, his lawyers will argue that they don’t deserve a cut of the money.
O.J. will probably have to cough up the loot anyway. Which leads to the question of “why did he do this” since it’s doomed to fail?
And the answer is simple.
He’s O.J., dummy, not Johnnie Cochran!
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September 17th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Perhaps O.J.’s notoriety will make it easier for him to be comp’ed at Vegas casinos. Fred Goldman would have a hard time taking that from him. I can’t even picture Fred Goldman in a Vegas casino. Not even the Palace Station.
September 17th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
Ontario Emperor, I think you got it! Like the Mastercard commercial, Vegas comps? PRICELESS!!!
September 18th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
Am I the only one hoping that O.J. will leave a postmortum tell-all autobiography?
Think of the movie rights!
Part I will be about the murder O.J. orchestrated/watched/participated in/is famous for: “Best Served Cold: Juice and REVENGE”
Part II will be a lackluster caper trying to capitalize on the first film’s popularity, featuring numerous cameos by celebrities (and whatever garbage rappers the biz is trying to sell us): “O.J.’s 11″
While the Rock doesn’t look anything like O.J., he’d be a shoe-in for both films, considering the football movies he’s being cast in.
At least he’d be great raising a single eyebrow while attempting to half-heartedly try on the black gloves linked to the murder in a Lance Ito (George Takai) courtroom.
The only remaining question on my mind is: Who will (for maximum hilarity)portray Johnny Cochran?
September 19th, 2007 at 12:56 am
Greg Morris Jr. AKA “They’re real….and magnificent!”