Refried Screens

This post is intended to assist those coping with the end of the Harry Potter series. Other posts in this series will follow daily, until we reach ACCEPTANCE, the final stage of grief. You can find the intro to the series here. Part 1 is here and Part 2 is here.

Bargaining should be the third stage of grief, but a number of fans began their grieving with this step, which is why I’m starting with the Inspirational Video For Potter Fans At This Stage: James Brown’s Please Don’t Go:

Harry Potter means so much to many, both emotionally and financially, author J.K. Rowling has likely received offers to to continue the series from more than just her fans. If someone was desperate enough to play tummy wands in order to get movie tickets, you know that somebody is going to pull a Faust and attempt a pact with the devil to keep the series going. Although some believe Potter fans have already forfeited their souls by reading Harry Potter books, I’m an optimist. Some unholy entity out there has to be desperate enough to take a Potter fan’s soul, no matter how worthless it might be. At this very moment, there probably is a desperate Pott-head searching for a genie or monkey’s paw that can fulfill his wish for more Potter books.

Unfortunately, he’ll end up getting some flawed version of his wish fulfilled, like The Simpsons episode, with a Monkey’s Paw that granted wishes.

Homer made a wish that he believed couldn’t backfire:
I wish for a turkey sandwich…on rye bread…with lettuce and mustard, and…*and*…I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises. You got it?…Hey! Not bad. Nice…hot mustard…good bread. The turkey’s a little dry…The turkey’s a little dry! Oh, foe and cursed thing! What demon from the depths of hell created thee?!

Although the traditional moral of stories like the Monkey’s Paw or The Fisherman and the Fish is “do not get too greedy, or you will end up with nothing”, I know better. As a fan of the original Star Wars trilogy who had to suffer through Episode One, there are three things you don’t do:

Spit in the wind

Beg a burned out creator to change their mind.

If George Lucas can turn Darth Vader, one of the greatest badasses of all time, into a punk ass, whiny toddler, imagine what a pissed J.K. Rowling can do to Harry Potter.
Jar Jar Binks, anyone?
Join me tomorrow for the next stage: Depression.

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