Refried Screens

For years, many have wondered how Beyonce keeps all of that jelly in check. During her performance in Shanghai, we found the answer:  Bridget Jones drawers AKA Tummy Control Knickers. 

Not only do the undies hold everything together, they’re dangerous!

According to Professor John Hunter Tummy Control Knickers could trigger a rash of health problems from having a damaging effect on breathing patterns to heartburn, inflammation and ulcers of the stomach, or even worse…

“(I)t could cause over-rapid breathing, chronic hyperventilation leading to panic attacks and stress incontinence, because if the pressure on the stomach has suddenly risen when a woman sneezes or coughs it could trigger an embarrassing leak.”

In other words, Bootylicious Hershey Chocolate Squirts.

If Beyonce was embarrassed by falling down the stairs and flashing the crowd, imagine how she’ll feel when photogs get a shot of her skidmarks.  Fans in the front row would suffer more than the poor saps burned by her pyrotechnic malfunction in St. Louis.

Beyonce might throw caution to the wind and end up like Fergie, who was eventually able to recover from her own embarrassing leak.  Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to look at her humps the same way since…

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