Refried Screens

Now you can finally watch Top Chef automaton hostess Padma Lakshmi without feeling nauseous, since she’s getting divorced from infidel hottie Salman Rushdie. No more will we be plagued by thoughts of Salman shtupping her farvegnugen. I always wondered if he was the reason for her weird, staggered enunciation and robotic expression. I don’t think we’ll find that out anytime soon, since it probably takes a lifetime to overcome that kind of trauma. There will probably be a temporary cease fire in Iraq, and Al Qaeda will probably halt bombing in a sign of unity with their Christian, Jewish, and Pagan brothers that this horrid relationship is coming to a close.The fight will eventually continue, but the world can rest, knowing that for one brief moment we were all on the same page.